


Dear Self

by Itachi_S_Lucius



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Body Dysphoria, Deaf Character, Depression, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Gang Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multi, Physical Disability, Social Anxiety, Wheelchairs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 02:58:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7296718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itachi_S_Lucius/pseuds/Itachi_S_Lucius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story of teens discovering themselves, and Uzumaki trying to help the best he can. He doesn't even know these people that well, but he could at the very least do this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Self

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so, I am not paralyzed, I've never even had a bone fractured so if the pain and mental issues it causes is inaccurate I am terribly sorry! I based the pain a little off of my own experience and that varies massively from person to person, so please excuse me if it's off to your own experience. 
> 
> Now as for the mental instability, social anxiety, and anxiety, in general, I do have a boat load of experience personally, that being said before, it varies from person to person. But seen as Naruto just had himself changed so extremely in a way he did not desire, I base it off of my own chronic anxiety. That being said, I tried to make it as accurate as possible. 
> 
> That being said enjoy your read! >.

The first thing he could clearly see was his own tan hand resting on some cheap sort of white cloth. Nothing was as clear as he would like it to be, there was an irritating infocus around objects further away then his hand and the edge of the bed.

 

He was only relatively sure of was infact, a bed, the rest of his body felt far too light and it was autsture, as he could clearly feel the softness on his cheek that was the pillow, and the numbing sensation on his hands, one of which he could not see, but he could take a guess that it was folded behind his back, if the painful stretching in his wrist was any indication.

 

He blinked twice to clear the sleep induced fog around his vision, he groaned slightly when it didn’t work. Knowing that it wouldn’t clear until he started walking around, he focused on the hand behind his back and moving it back in front of him, he groaned at the uncomfortable feeling of moving it when it had obviously been stuck like that awhile. It flopped lifelessly in front of his face, and he could swear that simple action had caused his energy to spike up to his normal afternoon levels. Idly, he wondered how long he had been asleep.

 

Not thinking much of it, he jabbed one of his elbows into the mattress below him, and laid his other flat on the soft material for leverage. Then pushed up, it was like getting himself out of bed for school in the mornings, the same dragging, procrastinating, movements. Then cringed at a prickling sensation in his leveraging arm, and winced when he noticed an IV needle injected in his vein there. Answering his not unconscious question of just where he was for him.

 

As too why, well he couldn’t think of a reason, but with that thought in  mind he couldn’t remember yesterday night, or yesterday afternoon for that matter. He cursed the sunlight streaming through the crappy hospital blinds, knowing for a fact that if it was streaming through as it was his father would know for sure that he was in the hospital. Probably worrying his head off for nothing in the waiting room, or getting a coffee with frazzled hair, and tired rings around his eyes.

 

Suddenly he felt like crap. More so anyway, his head throbbing in guilt, he didn’t even know what he had done, but he was at least eighty percent sure it was his fault, and therefore he was to blame for his Dad losing sleep and stressing. The poor man was a single father with three jobs, he didn’t need his only son to be stuck-up in the hospital for however long he’d been stuck in the hospital.

 

Promptly he crashed into the bed holding his head in the only way a guilty teenager could, and shook it fiercely on the pillow. Irritation filling his head and his stomach filled with knots at his own careless behavior, for at least the fifth time this very year. Of course his other various rebellious acts had never ended him in the hospital, but he had faced a good whack on the head from his father’s answer KEY and then been forced to make dinner, but that was about it. His Dad didn’t believe in grounding him, it would really only encourage more rebellious behavior in the future in his book.

 

Naruto much enjoyed that about his Dad. Which made whatever he did this time all the more horrible. His father really didn’t deserve this after all the things he’d put up with having _himself_ as a son.  He groaned at his own stupidity.

 

Then slapping his own cheek in annoyance at his own pity show, he focused on pushing himself up, and a firm apology for when his Dad came back into the room. A weird sensation dropped him from his thought as he tried to sit up properly. He couldn’t feel his legs, as he tried to sit up it felt as if there was this great weight keeping his legs in place.

 

Brow furrowing, he shoved one of his hands under the white sheet and grasped his left thigh, and yanked upwards, thinking it was some sort of strange muscle delay on his part. He nearly cried, tears gathered into his eyes as a sharp, almost tearing sensation ripped through his hip. He gasped out as he breathed in heavily through his nose to try and lessen the pain.

 

He couldn’t feel as his hand clutched into his leg, and sharp nails dug in.

He whimpered as the pain refused to lessen, and the built up tears in his eyes dripped down his cheeks. His teeth clenched together and released just as quickly in a repetitive action.

 

“Daddy…” A sniffle came out unwittingly. Then against his nature more tears built up, and streamed down his cheeks.

 

A warm hand grasped his own abruptly, squeezing gently, and he popped his eyes open past the pain as far as he could manage, which wasn’t very far at the moment, to gaze at the warm milk-chocolate like skin of his, and kind dark brown eyes of his Dad, looking at him in sympathy. He focused on that, squeezing his Dad’s hand in turn, and sniffling again, all thoughts of pride gone with his Dad near him, where he could be weak.

 

“It hurts, Daddy.” He watched as the vague figure of his Dad stood from the chair beside his bed and he felt another hand on his hair, then he was fairly sure the bed dipped beside him, as his Dad sat down. Then the comforting feeling of his Dad’s forehead against his own gave him comfort like it used to when he was young. His breathing calmed ever so slightly, as the pain seemed to lessen minutely.

 

“I know it does sweetie, I know…” The words were so faint in his ear that Naruto was unsure whether or not they were actually spoken. Yet knowing his Dad’s way of comforting, he expected that they were, in fact, said.

 

In response he moved his head ever so slightly, seeing the very blurred image of his Dad’s chest and cuddled into it for comfort. The hand in his hair, moved to the back of his head, fingers gently playing with his hair in a soothing gesture.

 

He wasn’t quite sure how long he stayed like that, but as long as his Dad didn’t mind he didn’t, and he was fairly sure it wasn’t long, for as he pulled his head away from his Dad’s chest, there was no sore feeling in his neck from the uncomfortable position.

 

The pain had completely gone by the time he pulled away, and he was cautious in his movements as he settled his head back onto the pillow. The bed dipped again, the warm weight of his father having left as he sat back down onto the uncomfortable chair on his bedside. Naruto restrained himself from reaching out for the comforting hand of his father once more, there was another person in the room. A doctor from what he could assume, with the white coat he wore.

 

The doctor was a man he’d never met before, not that it was particularly surprising.  He’d only been to the hospital a couple of times, and he could assume that this man was not that type of doctor. He had a sort of light red hair, smooth peach skin and light brown eyes, but he was unique enough in appearance that Naruto was pretty sure he’d spot the guy in a crowd.

 

“M…...rrr.. Uzu…..aki….” Naruto squinted at the man, his ears straining to hear what the man was saying exactly, though he was pretty sure it was something of ‘Mr. Uzumaki.’ but he was still speaking, and Naruto had no clue what he was saying now. Quickly he turned to his Dad, and he was pretty sure his eyes showed his trouble in text for his Dad to read.

 

As immediately after he looked him, the brown-skinned man held up a finger to the doctor in a; ‘wait a second’ movement, and reached into his large black pant pockets to get out a pale blue case. Naruto eagerly reached for it, and opened it as quickly as he could, embarrassment colouring his cheeks an ugly dusky rose.

 

The aqua colored hearing aids were put in quickly. Then looked towards the red-haired doctor eagerly, the man simply nodded, then Naruto could only assume he was repeating what he’d just said.

 

“Mr. Uzumaki, I am Dr. Akasuna. I will be blunt, as your Father told me you prefer the direct truth, and I’d rather not beat around the bush myself.” Naruto was mildly surprised by the bland, dry, tone of voice the man carried as he spoke. He didn’t say anything on it however. It seemed to be a rather serious conversation they were engaging in.

 

“Simply put Mr. Uzumaki, everything below your crotch has been crushed by extreme external pressure. All the bones in your  thighs and feet, shattered.

 

Your sacrum and hip bones were fractured, and your spine and tailbone are, very fortunately I may add, completely intact.” The small rubbing on his hand from a warm thumb he knew was his father's nearly had him crying, but his mind, his thought, he couldn’t bring himself to move his eyes from the cheap white sheet covering his legs.

 

His hand was still touching his thigh, he knew, yet, he daren’t move it now. Not with the words flowing from this doctors mouth. The man was probably aware of this fact, yet the words kept coming, and he paid as much attention as he could possibly grasp trying to understand.

 

“The surgical team had to perform emergency surgery immediately, when one of your friends brought you in. There was no other option, internal bleeding, external blood loss, two crushed arteries, the surgeons were quite proud you even lived through the procedure. It was high risk, and by all technicality, you should be dead.” He heard something too his left, but he couldn’t focus on it, and his whole body felt numb, well not his legs, they didn’t, he couldn’t feel anything in his legs.

 

Out of his peripheral vision he saw the small form of Dr. Akasuna lower, and his un-hazed mind told him that the man had just sat. Another shift told him that the redhead was now leaning forward.

 

“Naruto-” He didn’t move, even at the softer tone of voice the man he’d just met turned soft, and informally said his first name. “I’m sorry, but you have been paralyzed, permanently.” It was Iruka that spoke first, his voice shaken, and yet, he still held onto his scolding-tone that Naruto recognized, but was glad he hadn’t heard much; mostly, because of his reluctance to wear his hearing aids at home, well unless he was practicing, his Dad never interrupted him when he was playing an instrument.

 

His father’s voice was quiet though, and he cursed his hearing, and his aids, which were on the wrong settings, apparently. He refused his father could have anything but loud anger. “W-what! What about prosthetics?!” There was a rustling on his right, then a sigh he could only just hear.

 

“Mr. Umino, I’m a Prosthetist myself, sub-contracted to the hospital, they called me once his condition stabilized…. Mr. Umino… I’ve looked at the after images, and there is nothing I can do, my prosthetics, anyone’s prosthetics, would only be detrimental to your son’s health I’m afraid. Not to help him walk at least. I can however lessen the pain slightly. Make things more bearable.” The man paused, and really Naruto was actually hoping he would continue talking in his dry speech, he didn’t want to hear his father sound unsure. It was unnerving to him.

 

“What can you do?” Another long suffering pause, and Naruto couldn’t ascertain the will to drag his eyes away from the white cloth before him all the while.

 

“I can schedule a surgery for your son to have his current fractured hip bones and sacrum replaced by my prosthetics.

 

Or, I could bind the fractures together with the material I use for my prosthetics, if you wish.”  His gaze hastily lifted to his father, and he was unsure of the expression he made, his face was strangely numb, but he knew it was bad by the way his Dad licked his lips and stared at the doctor across the bed with shaking eyes.

 

“What- what would you recommend?” The tan boy heard the sigh behind his head, but didn’t face the man, focused on holding his father’s hand, worried by it’s shaking.

 

“In my professional opinion. Your son should have his fractures removed completely. It won’t help him walk, but the fusion I mentioned can be painful in the long run, and I find the bone becomes brittle with my prosthetic material as it is quite straining on the remaining bone. But, the decision is completely yours.” There was silence, and Naruto would have been glad for it, had he not been measuring his Dad’s pulse.

 

He did, however, hear the door open. “Do I need to ask the nurse to call your insurance company Mr. Umino?” His Dad looked vaguely startled by the question as he stared at the man at the door for a moment, his eyes still shaking, and Naruto knew the man was actually doing some mental math for the future. He frowned at the thought.

 

“N-no, I- we should be covered for prosthetics, they said I was covered for almost anything, well, except optical damage for some reason.” A pause, then. “He doesn’t have eye damage does he?” It was evident by his father's bodily shaking, that his nerves were getting to him.

 

Something which the brown-skinned man was usually quite good about controlling, Naruto knew his Dad was prone to bad anxiety, but he’d never really seen it for himself. It dropped a stone into his stomach at seeing it for himself.

 

“Sometimes after a traumatic experience such things as taste, vision, or hearing can be affected. That change is gradual occurring between two or so weeks- to years, during that time it can worsen or improve. You’ll have to wait and see. I’d be more concerned about his hearing than vision, it may worsen further over time.” Naruto glared at the man for that, the man didn’t seem to notice or care, and left though the heavy wooden door.

 

Naruto continued to glare at the wooden surface.

 

“Oh god, Naruto…” Gaze snapping to his father’s worried, and tired brown eyes, he felt guilt overwhelm him. Deciding not to focus on the fact that he would never walk again.

 

“I’m so sorry Dad!” His Dad’s gaze seemed to snap just as his had ‘huh. So that’s where it came from.’ The wideness of his father’s gaze faltered his thoughts.

 

“Naruto! Don’t you dare apologize! That- that- _friend_ of yours already explained, I- oh god…” The warm hand holding his suddenly whipped away and Naruto watched as his father slammed both of his hands against the wooden armrests of the chair he sat in, teeth clenched, eyes glued shut, face twisted in anger.  It was weird, because, well, Naruto was sure, even having lived with his Dad his whole life that he’d never seen the man this… Angry, he’d never seen him angry before come to think of it, frustrated sure, annoyed, irritated, but never… Angry.

 

It was strange and kind of novel to him. “Fuck!” He’d never heard him swear either, and that was just scary, his father was only one step away from being a priest….

 

Or a nun.

 

Swearing was blasphemy to his Dad. His Dad didn’t even seem surprised, or remorseful for his slip-up, instead he covered his nose and mouth with his hands and he just breathed deeply, red gathering around his eyes.

 

“Dad?” When his father’s eyes turned to him Naruto was sure he didn’t want them to anymore, he’d never seen his father cry, not fully anyway, not full blown tears.

 

It brought a tugging at his heart to see it. His Dad was a sensitive, and very caring person, so he teared up on occasion, but full blown tears of sadness, or fear, well that was, that, that made his throat lock up with fear and sadness of his own.

 

“I could have lost you Naruto. The surgery took hours, and nobody knew if you would make it, hours Naruto, and I didn’t even know what happened until- until that friend of yours told me when he came back from outside. Even he looked frantic, he smelled so heavily of cigarette smoke, and… Pot, his hair was everywhere, I admit, when I saw him, I half thought you had died and that it was someone else's son in the surgery room dying from blood loss and bone sticking out an-an-nd-- o-o--o-oh-h g-gg-o-od...”  Naruto watched his father’s hands shake over his mouth, with eyes wider than they had ever been. Horror stricken, and confused.

 

“Dad… What- what did happen?” His father gave him a look, but it wasn’t very intense, mostly because of the tears.

 

“You were coming home, driving, and a lorry smashed right into you, it flipped your car, and kept going, drove straight over your boot, it got stuck there. Then another came from the right, heavy-duty truck apparently, they couldn’t see you until they rounded the corner, smashed straight into you, it was her right of way. Then someone rear-ended her, full force. Your car was crushed from both sides, and your legs…” A hiccup interrupted his Dad, but Naruto was fairly sure he understood the details without being told anything further.

 

“Did- did-” He licked his lips, his hands were shaking. “Did, anyone- did, anyone die?” His Dad cupped his mouth, and looked away, Naruto knew the answer, and felt dread strike him, pooling in his stomach, filling his head with fuzz, and locking up his throat.

 

“Naruto Uzumaki! Don’t you dare feel guilty! That- that monster lorry driver was drunk, and didn’t even stop when he crashed into you! He doesn’t deserve your remorse!” His Dad was standing now, his whole body tense, but Naruto couldn’t pay attention. His father’s words to him as a young child were filling his head.

 

_‘No one deserves death Naruto, everyone deserves justice and fair trial. Remember that.’ ‘Okay Daddy I will! I promise!’_

 

He’d been ten then, and it was the reason for him wanting to go into Law school in the first place, to heed over his father’s advice, and be the best man he could be, by helping people, helping those that others wanted to condemn.

 

Everyone deserves justice.

 

Hearing his Dad saying something that went against not only his own words, but Naruto’s greatest and most cherished belief made him freeze up. His whole body shook. He didn’t understand anything anymore. What had happened to him? His Dad? Neither he nor his Dad went back on their word, ever. He snapped out of it as the door opened again, and his Dad’s angry form stomped through the doorway as someone entered.

 

“Hey fucktard. How you doin’?” His friend’s voice was a comfort with the turmoil his mind was facing, brought an ease and comfort to him, and relaxed his mind slightly.

 

“I don’t know. Not anymore. You saw what happened?” The other male nodded, hand absently scratching his neck, a gesture that Naruto came to recognize as one of unease and trepidation.

 

“Yeah, yeah I did. Told your Pa, course, he’s never very happy on seeing me, or hearin’ me, but he told you what happin’d at least?” Naruto nodded, it was a weird thought what his Dad had told him, and he regretted asking, wishing it wasn’t his Dad who he’d asked. Wished he had asked anyone else. “Fuck, man, I swear, the fucker, I nearly loaded his dome with lead when… Fuck. Nearly killed you.” Naruto nodded, the topic morse as it was, he could hardly do anything else. He wanted to leave it at that, but he knew his friend better than anyone.

 

“So you didn’t shoot, afraid of gas?” His friend snorted leaning against the edge of the door frame. Naruto understood that snort, and his gaze clouded slightly as he rubbed the bridge of his nose with his hand, irritated. “What did you do?” He almost didn’t want to know, but he had to, he just had too.

 

His friend stared at him for a moment, violet eyes contemplative, judging his reaction, and what he knew his reaction would be.

 

“Pulled the fuckers wires. Dead in thirty-five seconds.” Naruto groaned, his head falling back, but the rest of him he daren’t move. Scared of the pain.

 

“Hidan… You shouldn’t have done that!” Hidan snorted again, when Naruto looked up at the noise, his friends arms were crossed over his chest, and he was no longer leaning on the doorframe, his jaw was ticked, and his eyes angry. Something Naruto recognized as his stance from the streets, but it was something that he’d seen his friend hold so much it didn’t scare or intimidate him like it would most anyone else.

 

“Why?! Fucker deserved it! Don’t be such a Papa’s boy! He tried to kill you, course I bumped him off!” Naruto groaned, but said nothing more, of course Hidan would have killed him, why would he think anything else? Hidan didn’t have any moral code. He just didn’t. That, and he was an overprotective bastard over people he cared for.

 

“Whatever, how did you even see anything?” His friend rolled his shoulders back.

 

“Just finished a job, was walkin’ back, saw your car, you were crossin’ the intersection, your right of way. Pretty sure it was anyway, truck comes out of nowhere, speeding down the road, straight at you. Fucker was goin’ at one-twenty at least. He crashed right into you, then I was runnin’, the asshole didn’t even stop. Just rolled right over you. I saw the pickup to late. I shoulda been faster. I managed to get you out, but, your legs were all fucked up, and you kept screamin’ I had to pull you away though. I called the reds, and that's that.” He shrugged, and Naruto stretched his right arm out, he did that when anyone mentioned attempted murder to him, it was a weird tick of his.

 

Hidan didn’t pay it much attention.

 

“You called my Dad?” He asked rather skeptically, his father _hated_ Hidan, and Hidan tried to avoid him as to not get into a brawl with the man.

 

Hidan nodded, looking out the window, not in avoidance, but in recognized irritation. “Woulda killed me if I hadn’t.” He nearly mumbled, and Naruto nodded, that was true. As invincible as Hidan may be on the street, next to a worried father, particularly his, Hidan was nothing.

 

Hidan was on thin ice with his Dad anyway. What with the last incident they’d gotten themselves into.  They were luckily to not have been injured.

 

Now though, now the truth of what had happened to him was sinking in, and Naruto was having trouble understanding exactly what would happen to him. Hidan usually took the fall for things if there was danger involved, Hidan could handle pain far better than he could, he was less sensitive, and had a better influence, actually he’d never been injured on one of their escapades.

 

Now he was paralyzed, and it hadn’t even been a worthwhile experience, there had been no fun involved beforehand, just a moron, an innocent, and him caught up in something horrible.

 

Once more, he pushed himself to ignore the guilt rising in his mind.

 

“So what’s the damage down there anyway?” Naruto’s eyes closed automatically at the question, Hidan was always a forthright individual, yet Naruto was in less than grateful at this moment, wanting to avoid the subject all together, thinking on it was something he was avidly avoiding. Hidan after all, was not someone who took weakness lightly. He was far too rough on the edges, and Naruto was never quite sure how he would take each circumstance.

 

Naruto had always been the one to stop the lavender-haired man from getting himself killed over something stupid. Now there was revelation that he would no longer be able to do that, at least not avidly. He drew in breath.

 

“It’s bad.” Naruto, was not one for self-admittance. He hated his own weakness, always considered it pointless. “I’m paralyzed Hidan.” His next breath shook. “For life.”   To his credit, the brute man didn’t so much as flinch, but his eyes didn’t stray from his own either. It was if the violet irises were piercing his own with a shocking clarity, of both realization, uncertainty, and something Naruto failed to distinguish.  

 

After more than mere moments, his friend leaned back in his chair and cast his eyes to the ground, not moving them as he assumed a slouched position, his hands closed over each other on his lap, the fingers would tap onto each other after a second or so onto his left hand.

 

It was disturbing to watch, and Naruto didn’t quite know what to make of it, so he ignored it by focusing on the large wooden door to his left, hoping his father would make a reappearance. The tension around the room had never been so thick in any other. Him and Hidan rarely fought, or got angry at each other, they understood each other well enough to get the other’s reasoning for an action, or an emotion. That was how they functioned, in addition to that, they were both loudmouths of their own right, and silence with the two of them in a room hardly lasted. It was a serial experience.

 

The door mercifully opened, and Naruto was greeted to the slightly agitated, but otherwise smiling face of his father.

 

Hidan didn’t seem to even acknowledge the man was there.

 

His Dad gave the violet-eyed man nothing more than a glance, before his eyes rolled, and he turned away from the chair Hidan sat on. Naruto took that as a small mercy.

 

“So, I’ve spoken to the doctor’s. There is a small risk to the surgery, both of them. Nothing too life threatening I assure you, but what do you want to do Naruto?”

 

“I think the one that will be less painful in the long run, seems like a good idea right Dad?” He could barely stop his voice from shaking, fear settling over his mind like a morning mist.

 

He didn’t want anything to go wrong, he didn’t like his situation, he couldn’t even accept it at this point, never being able to move again. How could he possibly handle that realization? He wanted to panic, to yell, scream to hell and back that this just wasn’t fair, he didn’t deserve it, at least not really. He couldn’t though, he had to do the best he could to keep a calm head, he’d already cried, he didn’t need to worry his father further.

  
If the anxiety his father, near constantly felt, was any indication it would be a bad idea to even mention his own concerns.


End file.
